Q1) Ah Mei's dad has 7 wives. The 5th and 7th are
> >> > > Africans. Guess
> >> > > Chinese idiom.
> >> > >
> >> > > A1) Wu Qi Ma Hei
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q2) There's a party in the forest. Who didn't get to
> >> > > eat the cake!?!
> >> > >
> >> > > A2) GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q3) Ah bao was murdered! However, the police quickly
> >> > > found the killer.
> >> > > Who was it?
> >> > >
> >> > > A3) Ah Dou because Dou Sha Bao
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q4) Xiao Bai and Da Bai are bros. As Xiao Bai grows
> >> > > older, he looks more
> >> > > and more like his bro. Guess a Chinese idiom.
> >> > >
> >> > > A4) Zhen Xiang Da Bai
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q5) Osama, Bush , Blair and Saddam play mahjong. Who
> >> > > will win first ??
> >> > >
> >> > > A5) Saddam Hussein because Saddam Hu Xian
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q6) What's the panda's 2 biggest wishes?
> >> > >
> >> > > A6) i. Get rid of dark eyes ring
> >> > > ii.Taking colour photo
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q7) Who will pick up the dumpling (ba zhang) on the
> >> > > floor ?
> >> > >
> >> > > A7) Xiang Long because Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q8) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
> >> > > The Female pencil
> >> > > got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?
> >> > >
> >> > > A8) The one without the rubber
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q9) Xiao Ming drinks milk to grow up. What does Da
> >> > > Ming drink?
> >> > >
> >> > > A9) Alcohol because Jiu Yang Da Ming
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q10) Which brand of shampoo is the wealthiest?
> >> > >
> >> > > A10) "Lux" Super Rich
> >> > >
> >> > >
> >> > > Q11) What did Batman say when he fell down?
> >> > >
> >> > > A11) Painful Sia... (Bian fu sia)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Shin Chan
爸 ：「你看廿四孝的故事多感人，你做得到嗎？」
小新：「至少我能做到一樣，賣身葬父」
媽 ：「小新，你又開電視了」
小新：「我又不是要看電視」
媽 ：「那你在做什麼？」
小新：「我在核對報紙上的電視節目表有沒有印錯」
媽 ：「小新，你這學期撿到 10 次錢嗎？」
小新：「沒有，只撿到一次」
媽 ：「那怎麼會有十張拾金不昧的榮譽卡？」
小新：「我把撿到的一百元換成 10個銅板」
媽 ：「我以為你在寫功課，竟然是在玩電動」
小新：「這又不能怪我」
媽 ：「難道要怪我？」
小新：「沒錯，誰叫你走路聲音那麼輕」
媽 ：「小新，要你補英語是希望你不要輸在起跑點上」
小新：「我早就輸在起跑點上了」
媽 ：「你輸了什麼？」
小新：「遺傳」
老師：「 小新，你的毛病就是用詞不當，現在考考你用一句
成語來形容老師很開心」
小新：「含笑九泉]
老師：「小新，請用『左右為難』來造句」
小新：「我考試時左右為難」
老師：「是題目不會答，讓你左右為難？」
小新：「不，是左右同學答案不一樣，讓我左右為難」
老師：「小新，你怎麼偷同學的橡皮擦？你做這種事，難道不
為父母想一想嗎？」
小新：「就是想過才做的。這樣就不用花父母的錢了」
小新：「媽，公園有個可憐的歐巴桑，我想幫助她」
媽 ：「小新真有愛心，就給她 10塊錢吧！」
媽 ：「咦！你怎麼買了香腸？」
小新：「她就是賣香腸的嘛！」
小新：「至少我能做到一樣，賣身葬父」
媽 ：「小新，你又開電視了」
小新：「我又不是要看電視」
媽 ：「那你在做什麼？」
小新：「我在核對報紙上的電視節目表有沒有印錯」
媽 ：「小新，你這學期撿到 10 次錢嗎？」
小新：「沒有，只撿到一次」
媽 ：「那怎麼會有十張拾金不昧的榮譽卡？」
小新：「我把撿到的一百元換成 10個銅板」
媽 ：「我以為你在寫功課，竟然是在玩電動」
小新：「這又不能怪我」
媽 ：「難道要怪我？」
小新：「沒錯，誰叫你走路聲音那麼輕」
媽 ：「小新，要你補英語是希望你不要輸在起跑點上」
小新：「我早就輸在起跑點上了」
媽 ：「你輸了什麼？」
小新：「遺傳」
老師：「 小新，你的毛病就是用詞不當，現在考考你用一句
成語來形容老師很開心」
小新：「含笑九泉]
老師：「小新，請用『左右為難』來造句」
小新：「我考試時左右為難」
老師：「是題目不會答，讓你左右為難？」
小新：「不，是左右同學答案不一樣，讓我左右為難」
老師：「小新，你怎麼偷同學的橡皮擦？你做這種事，難道不
為父母想一想嗎？」
小新：「就是想過才做的。這樣就不用花父母的錢了」
小新：「媽，公園有個可憐的歐巴桑，我想幫助她」
媽 ：「小新真有愛心，就給她 10塊錢吧！」
媽 ：「咦！你怎麼買了香腸？」
小新：「她就是賣香腸的嘛！」
The Return of the Bad Jokes
The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the
Sarge announces, "I've got good news and bad news. First the good news.
Today we're going to change our underwear."
The troops start cheering wildly.
"Now the bad news," continues the Sarge. "Smith, you change with Jones.
Andrews, you change with Murphy..."
_____________________________________________________
A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the
house. She heard sobbing from the basement.After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found the husband
curled up into a little ball,sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
_____________________________________________________
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to walk back to his cruiser, the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.
"Um, yeah... so," the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
_____________________________________________________
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
_____________________________________________________
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
_____________________________________________________
Two guys in a car drive right through the red light. "Man, you just ran that red light!" exclaimed the passenger.
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver. They continue driving through town and then proceed to drive through another stop light.
"You just ran another stop light! You're going to get us killed!" screamed the nervous passenger.
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," repeated the driver. Moments later, they approached a green light and they came to a halting stop.
"Why are you stopping?" asked the anxious passenger. The driver turned and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"
_____________________________________________________
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
Sarge announces, "I've got good news and bad news. First the good news.
Today we're going to change our underwear."
The troops start cheering wildly.
"Now the bad news," continues the Sarge. "Smith, you change with Jones.
Andrews, you change with Murphy..."
_____________________________________________________
A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the
house. She heard sobbing from the basement.After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found the husband
curled up into a little ball,sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
_____________________________________________________
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to walk back to his cruiser, the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.
"Um, yeah... so," the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
_____________________________________________________
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
_____________________________________________________
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
_____________________________________________________
Two guys in a car drive right through the red light. "Man, you just ran that red light!" exclaimed the passenger.
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver. They continue driving through town and then proceed to drive through another stop light.
"You just ran another stop light! You're going to get us killed!" screamed the nervous passenger.
"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," repeated the driver. Moments later, they approached a green light and they came to a halting stop.
"Why are you stopping?" asked the anxious passenger. The driver turned and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"
_____________________________________________________
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
Monday, April 13, 2009
Trainwreck
Great, my tcud lamircalosan had to fail me. Never knew I could succumb so easily to such stupid outbursts...
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